Oh, I am SO OVER THIS HEATWAVE!
It's true. Heat can drive a person insane. I'm living proof.
There is no escape from it. It just IS - like a wall of something inescapable - or a cocoon - or a bloody bloody SHROUD - heavy, energy-sapping, HOT and EVER PRESENT. It's made me cry more than once as I've sat here in front of a bloody fan that only blows hot bloody air at me. One of my panic-triggers, since the attack in 06, is feeling trapped - and this heat has me on the edge of tears and the brink of panic constantly.
I've told myself not to be such a wuss. It hasn't helped. I just got cranky with myself for being so hard on me, and didn't talk to myself for at least half an hour. Then I got lonely. The cats are no company in this weather. They're trying to kill me. They sprawl in doorways, trying desperately to get a breath of cooler air, and refuse to let me past. When I hop over the top of Oscar bin Laden he waves his paws at me and yowls in a mean way.
I am a woman on the edge, I tell you, BECAUSE I CAN'T COOL DOWN!
I've done all the standard things, right? Closed windows, shutters, curtains and blinds. I am living in airless darkness and the house is practically hermetically sealed to keep the heat out. It's a whole 5 degrees cooler in here than it is in that furnace outside. Not good enough.
The pathetic back-slab cast on my ankle, and the compression stocking and bandage mean that my foot is probably a million degrees hotter than the rest of me - and that doesn't help my mood. Surely such heat can fuse broken bone? If I leave it on for another 5 minutes will my fracture be healed? Can I throw away those stupid crutches? Can't I take that bloody cast OFF?
Well, I can. To have a shower or a bath. Then it goes back on again. All up, the entire operation takes about 5-8 minutes of sweat-inducing contortion that isn't worth the toll on my fragile mental state.
SO - this afternoon my heat-addled self rebelled. I ran myself a cool bath and manoeuvred myself into it, with the wrapped and damaged foot dangling over the side of the bath. BLISS! I took my "nose-bag" with me - it's a cloth shopping bag that I hang around my neck at home to carry stuff in - mobile phone, bottle of water, cup full of ice-cubes, clean clothes, paperback, crossword book, camera...
...And it was the coolest, most pleasant half hour of the entire day!
And then I had to get out.
Dammit, I worked up yet another sweat manoeuvring myself out of the damn bath. There is no escape from this relentless heat!!!
Thank goodness for the Christmas pressie my mate Jude gave me - ostensibly to cool me down at work whenever the hot flushes turn me bright red. It works just as well when I'm sitting on my bed with the fan aimed squarely at me, trying to beat the heatwave.
Damn you, heatwave *whimper* I will not melt!