Wednesday, 17 February 2010

A Crappy Post from a Shitty Blogger - a rant.

Poo in public toilets. I know, I know, this is not polite conversation – I hope nobody is reading this over their Weeties.

It’s just that this issue has bothered me for a very long time, and that sort of stuff is better out than in. Like poo, really.

This is what I find annoying. In the Ladies’ Toilets in many public places – railway stations, shopping malls, cinemas – there are often long queues of women waiting cross-legged, hopping up and down and waiting for a free loo (because you know how long it takes a lot of women to do whatever they have to do – and we do it privately in our separate little cubicles, unlike blokes, who can just whip it out and get on with it at the urinal).

Almost without exception, though, there will be one loo free that is avoided by the busting horde. Occasionally the next person in the queue will enter that loo, and with a squeal of distaste, exit again in a hurry. That’s usually enough to put off at least the next half dozen people who might have been hopefully eyeing the spare dunny.

Almost invariably, the only thing wrong with that loo is that some grotty prior user has not flushed it, and there’s a big poo in the bowl. Prospective loo-users take one look at that ol’ floater bobbing about in there and run for their lives – without flushing the loo, and therefore leaving it for the next unsuspecting full-bladdered lady, who squeals and hops away, leaving it for the next…. Ad bloody infinitum.

What I want to know is WHY? Why, in the first place, has somebody left the loo without flushing? Are they so busy that they can’t spare the half second it takes? Are they mentally deficient? Are they too short to reach the button? Is it their idea of a sick joke?

And what about the finders of the ‘left log’ – the ones who take one look and bolt, thereby creating a compound offence? Do they think the poo will jump out and get them if they try to flush it away? Do they think the owner of the poo left it there on purpose and might come back for it later?

Maybe the owner of the poo will get to work, or home, or whatever, slap themselves on the forehead, say “OMIGOD, I forgot to flush after that giant poo!” and dash back to the public toilet to finish what they began, elbowing their way through the waiting queue and apologising profusely:

“’Scuse me, I’m not queue-jumping – it’s just that I accidentally left my poo in there this morning, terribly sorry, and, you know, I want to put things right.”

That's not very likely, ladies – so here’s a tip: unless the poo is all over the seat, floor or walls of the toilet, it’s safe to flush the loo and send the offending poo to a far, far better place – like a sewage outfall at a beach near you, where it can chase the surfers and frolic in the sun. If you’re too squeamish to actually use the loo yourself after that, just because you caught a glimpse of someone else’s poo and had to face the grim reality that everybody else craps too, then at least flush it away and leave the loo ready for somebody else.

Please.

8 comments:

JohnO said...

Maaaaate, you need a holiday!! :)

Sue said...

Just as well I have one coming up then, isn't it? LOL!

lemmiwinks said...

Pure Gold!

Julie said...

OMG, that was hilarious! And so damned true...

The Machinist's Wife said...

Why is it that we can still laugh at poo humour? Excellent post, and one that we all think about, I'm sure...

SuPine said...

I sat here laughing out loud at your brilliantly descriptive post on what we all do!! I used to, but since becoming an oldster I have become desensitised to these things (more desperate perhaps?) and just flush and use!

Sue said...

Maturity or desperation? Hmmmm, Supine, I wonder which it is... (I remain perennially immature, or so I'm told, so perhaps it IS desperation!)

Chillertek said...

This post left me laughing, its not your normal topic to be discussing on a blog, this is the first post that i'm actual glad that it didn't contain any pictures.