Thursday, 31 March 2011

Vale Miffy

Do not go gentle into that good night,
Old age should burn and rave at close of day;
Rage, rage against the dying of the light.
                                                             -- Dylan Thomas --

My dear, feisty, cranky, demented old cat, Miffy  – whose name was really the splendidly Welsh Myfanwy – did the good Dylan Thomas thing today, and raged against the dying of the light.

Who was I kidding with my wishy-washy dreams of a peaceful, dignified end for a grand old lady who has terrified vets in her long, cranky lifetime? Miffy died as she had lived – with a snarl on her lips, and a fight on her paws. That’s probably how she’d have wanted it if she’d had enough of her mind left to know what she actually wanted. 

Dear, dear Miffy. When Pete the Vet made a very kind house-call to enable her to exit this life from a comfortable spot in her own home, she demanded a blood price. There was a brief moment when I thought I must’ve made a terrible mistake – and that Miffy was not ready to go – and that will probably niggle at me for a long time. 

The bowels that no longer hung on, even as far as ‘Poo Corner’, behind the armchair; the complete lack of customary catty toileting fastidiousness; the late night confused yowling; the daytime confused yowling; the weird behavioural loops… as I cuddled my growling cat in her last moments, and said  choked words of farewell to her, I tried to keep those things in my mind.

But I still felt like shit.

I'm sorry, Miffy. Deep down, I think we both knew it was time. Goodbye, my dear old friend.

9 comments:

Ali said...

What a great quote! Sue, I have watched you deal with Miffy (from afar) and know that you have shown her the greatest care possible. Don't let things niggle you - my old dog had a terrific last day, and I too was thinking 'oh but if he can do this???!!!'. But he could only have that day of running happily because that was to be his last time. Miffy did what she needed to do, and you have shown her the utmost respect and care throughout. Now it is time for you to spoil yourself a little...

Deborah said...

huggzzzzzzz

lemmiwinks said...

So sorry Sue. I know how you feel, not that that's any consolation.

Geoff James said...

Stinging eyes on your behalf Sue.

The saying, "Grief is the price we pay for love" is never more true. Yin and Yang. Would we really ever have it any other way? It's also the price of humanity.

Raftnn said...

Your cat sounds like he had character. Sorry for your loss. "Moses" is 14 now and he still annoys me, wouldnt have it any other way.

SonjaM said...

I know how you feel. So sorry for your loss. My dumpster rescue cat Kelly died last year in May. He was diagnosed with a fatal liver disease, and we needed to let him go. He was 13 years old.

Gerry said...

Our thoughts are with you, Sue.

John Myste said...

In that picture with the helmet on, you look like a Betty who was a programmer at Long Term Care Solutions. You are not she, are you?

Sue said...

Thanks, everyone, for your kind thoughts. The house is very quiet without my yowling, snoring old friend. Boomerang Boy made her final resting place nice with the addition of interlocking bricks and a couple of ajuga, which will provide a splash of colour in the warmer weather.

@John Myste - no, I'm not that Betty. Hmm, must change that pic, I think - I've had a couple of helmet changes since then!