Rubbish - a Rant

As neighbours go, I’m not too bad. I don’t have late nights, loud parties or screaming kids. I don’t play loud music or rev my car or motorbike at all hours. My lawn and yard are kept tidy. I don’t own a barking dog, or mow my lawn at 7am on a Sunday. I keep to myself. When my neighbours have the occasional party until the wee hours I don’t complain. When they talk loudly at 2am as they get home from god-knows-where on a school night, and wake me up with their noise 3 hours before I need to get up to spend a day teaching teenagers, I don’t scream, swear or threaten to kill them. You get the picture? I’m a nice person to live next door to.

But that’s about to change.

Someone in my street has been putting stuff in my recycling bin. Lots of stuff. Stuff that overflows onto the effing street out the front of my house. This is my message to those most un-neighbourly neighbours.

I’m going to find out who you are and make you sorry. I’m as mad as hell. At the moment my vengeful thoughts have been limited to antisocial fantasies involving bags of cat poo, late night pizza deliveries and booby-trapped bins.

Hey, it’s not the fact that you put your overflow recycling in my bin. That wouldn't bother me, despite the fact that you clearly have a serious alcohol problem, if the number of squashed Bundy cans I've been seeing is any indication. No, what shits me is this: you put so much of that stuff in my bin that it spills all over the bloody street in front of my house when the truck tries to pick it up. And then you leave that shit there -YOUR shit! - for ME to pick up from the front of MY house!

I don’t want your broken chunks of NON-RECYCLABLE polystyrene packaging all over my nature strip. I don’t want your empty Bundy cans and squashed Bundy cartons. I don’t want your plastic bags or your broken bottles.

 I DON’T WANT ANY OF THAT SHIT - 

DO 

YOU 

HEAR 

ME?

Keep your own rubbish in your own bin, house, yard or shed, or wherever the hell you hide it while you wait for me to leave for school so you can sneak it into my wheely bin on collection day. Trust me, this is the sort of un-neighbourly shit that turns mild-mannered middle-aged lady neighbours into angry, vengeful viragos who you wouldn't wish on your worst enemy.

You have been warned. *deep breath* Thank you.