The Heroic Postie Bike - a tribute

My new toy - Daisy the Postie Bike - a Honda CT110

I did it! I am now a multiple bike owner. Uh-oh.... it always starts with a postie bike, and before you know it you need a bigger shed.

Meet Daisy, my little CT110. Perfect for short runs to the shops, and perhaps that once-a-year trip out to Funkytown on the dreaded gravel road.

Postie bikes are fabulous little critters. They may be small, but they perform a vital job for the people of this country. Forget the old 1950s adage, back in the golden years of the wool industry, when Australia was said to 'ride on the sheep's back'. These days Australia's future rides a CT110. Let me explain.

Remember a while back I was talking about the joys of turning 50? Remember the National Bowel Screening Program test kit the Government sent me for my birthday? You know, the one I kept ignoring because I couldn't bring myself to poke around in poo and then send it through the post? The one that had me terribly worried for all the Australia Post employees who would have to trundle bags of poo around the country on their postie bikes?

Can you believe the gov sent me a reminder letter? A "Dear Betty, to date we have not received your poo, please send ASAP" type missive. I couldn't believe it. The government of this country was really desperate for my little ol' poo. I was touched.

I carefully read through the material that came with the poo-kit, and learned that I was one of a select number of old folk invited to poo for Australia. It was, in fact, quite a special thing to receive a defecation invitation from the folk that run the nation. A Very Special Thing Indeed.

Somehow, though, as I carefully laid the special dissolving poo-catcher paper mat in the toilet bowl, then tried to perform under pressure (the poo-catcher dissolves after only 5 minutes of contact with the loo water, so you don't have a lot of time to recompose yourself afterwards), and then poked around in the - oh, it's all too awful - I didn't feel very special. In fact, I couldn't help but get this screamingly funny image of thousands of middle-aged Aussies in their PJs and fluffy slippers, bent bare-arsed over their dunnies and poking about with great seriousness in their business to collect samples for the government before the poo-catcher dissolved.

And (this is the best bit) you have to do it twice! One poo is not enough for the Government of Australia. Participation in the national bowel screening program is a two poo jobbie, so to speak. While you're waiting for your number two Number Two, your carefully labelled number one Number Two goes into THE FRIDGE (yes, you read that right), along with the raspberry jam, the limp bunch of celery that you'd forgotten was there and half a litre of soy milk.

The job(s) finally done, and carefully packaged, I felt horribly conspicuous, hobbling to the letterbox at the local shops with my little post-pack of poo, (with my name written on the OUTSIDE of the post-pack where anybody could see it!) and breathed a great sigh of relief as it plopped through the slot of the post-box. What an ordeal. Over to you, Australia Post. Ride like the wind, little postie bikes, to deliver your precious cargo!

So - any time you feel like sneering at those little wee postie-bikes, just remind yourself that they play a vital part in the screening of the nation's bowels, and be very very thankful that they do.

This little piggy went ennui ennui ennui...

It seems rather a long time since I said anything about my job situation. It still sucks. Didn’t even get an interview for the first teaching position I went for – not even an interview!

The ‘other government department’ I’d applied to back in January was resolutely silent. (Turns out, when I phoned them after weeks and weeks of silence, that they’d apparently undergone a restructure, and somehow neglected to tell me that the position was no longer available… Unfortunately, that is very typical Public Service stuff…) So anyway, I applied to another school, and BINGO – got an interview! A very positive interview it was, too, and I felt good about it until I heard, about a week later, from an ‘inside source’, that the boss wanted to hire someone else – someone who didn’t wear bike gear to a ride-in ride-out 45 minute interview at an unfamiliar place in the middle of a work day.

And then my inside source said, a few days later, after much intense lobbying, that things were looking a little more optimistic. That was last Thursday. There’s been a deathly silence since then, and you know what? I’m kind of over it. Do I really want to work for someone who’s silly enough to think that I would turn up in a classroom looking like some kind of Hell’s Angel? (and, quite apart from anything else, is more concerned about the way I might dress than the way I teach?)

So, as my optimism fades and I start looking forward to my next ride to Phillip Island, I wonder how to beat the ennui that characterises my current job. And the distinct lack of prospects that accompany said ennui.

Yet another government dept has shown a flicker of interest in me – no more money than I’m currently earning, but a change of scenery would be nice – the possibility of promotion at some later stage - and a transfer of leave benefits/superannuation and all that jazz… I think I shall encourage that flicker and see if I can fan it into a flame.

Watch this space. Again.

GFC - party time for fat cats while workers suffer?

I’m in a kind of gobsmacked awe. The Queensland Treasurer is considering Public Service pay-cuts as the GFC noose tightens. From ABC News Online (17 April):

The state's Premier, Anna Bligh, and Treasurer, Andrew Fraser, have warned about a tough Budget in June because of the economic downturn.

The Government is believed to be considering advice from Treasury to freeze wages, abolish leave-loading and cut superannuation contributions from 12.7 per cent to nine per cent for nearly 200,000 public servants.

Oh, jolly good, you might be saying. Public servants are a pack of bludgers anyway. Wouldn’t know what a hard day’s work was! This consideration gets better by the minute though, though - read more of the news report for the best bit:

It is understood the move would affect teachers, nurses and police.

I'll say that again in case you missed it the first time:

It is understood the move would affect teachers, nurses and police.

Hmmm. So… Not the fat cat desk-jockeys and pen-pushers? Not the Public Servants who spend countless hours at meetings drinking coffee or standing around at one another’s desks moaning about how busy they are? Not the highly overpaid policymakers?

One hopes so. One (meaning ME) hopes that this is just a case of the media sensationalising a story by making it appear that the government is targetting the ones most likely to suffer from burnout; the ones who should be exempt from any pay cuts; the ones who work far longer hours in the most stressful jobs; the ones who are already grossly underpaid for the overwork they do.

As an ex-teacher I know that the success of education (public or private) depends to a large extent on the goodwill of teachers who work far longer hours than they spend on-site or are paid for; who regularly perform extra duties that aren't even mentioned in the job description, and who often fund activities for the kids out of their own underpaid pockets. Queensland teachers are apparently the lowest-paid teachers in the country as it is. Kick them a bit harder, Queensland Government! Good teachers are burning out and leaving the profession in droves - many of us end up as pen-pushing desk-jockey Public Servants!

And what about nurses - underpaid, overworked in an underfunded and overburdened health system. Cut their pay and entitlements further? Sure, kick em while they're down - they have big hearts, they can cope - why else would they continue working themselves to death? Clearly they don't care about the money - they do it all for love!

And no matter what you may think of the highway patrol officer who gave you a speeding ticket, if someone robs your house, steals your car, rapes your daughter or bashes your son, you'll be yelling for an overworked and undervalued cop at the top of your lungs, demanding that they 'fix things'.

Queensland Government, I'm in awe. Who's next on the hit list? Old age pensioners and war veterans? The disabled? The mentally ill? I can hardly wait to find out.