Friday, 2 January 2009

Ernest(ine)? Is that you?

Remember this, from my 18 December post?

The giant spider currently in my kitchen may or may
not be Ernest(ine). It's a lot less bulbous in the abdomen these days. I have
pondered this, and come to the following possible conclusions:

  • It is a rival giant spider - which could mean I have
    TWO giant spiders in my house at the moment.

  • It is a rival giant spider and it ate Ernest(ine).
    If that's the case, I have one giant spider, but it's clearly of the predatory
    persuasion. And it knows where I sleep.

  • It is Ernest(ine). She has laid an enormous egg-sac
    somewhere, and regained her girlish figure.
As you know, the spider I thought was Ernest(ine) - or someone rather like her - was sadly despatched just before Christmas when she broke the Prime Directive. I am, however, assuming the new and terrifying (as yet unnamed) giant spider in my loo - which looks a lot like the old Ernest(ine) of the big belly - may in fact be the original Ernest(ine), empowered to reappear by the demise of her rival giant spider. Or of course, it could be the ghost of Ernest(ine), come back to haunt me for murdering her. Or it could be a new giant spider altogether - it's not like there's a shortage of them in Canberra. Great.

I learned some interesting things this morning; chiefly, that the presence of a giant spider in the loo:
  • can actually inhibit the peristaltic imperative!
  • can cause a normally sane person to develop a sudden insane desire to be at the office instead.

My bedroom is across the hallway from the loo, and my vantage point - that is to say, my bed - is probably 3.5 metres away from where the hairy behemoth is currently located, high up on the loo wall. I was disturbed to realise that I could see the whites of her eyes from that distance! OK, teensy exaggeration... Even from such a distance, though, I could count all her legs - count all the hairs on all her legs, even - and was fascinated to watch as she scratched her bum with an enormous hairy leg, and then lazily turned around 360 degrees before scratching it again. Maybe she has worms... That's all I need - a spider with worms.

I'm glad I didn't make a New Year's resolution along the lines of "I will be braver about giant spiders", coz I would've broken it only 2 days into the new year...

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